It's All About Me

IT'S ALL ABOUT ME

I smiled as I saw the fluorescent pink sticker prominently displayed on the teenager’s backpack. Oh yes, those years of believing the world revolves around you and all other voyagers here best pay heed!

Teenagers – go figure. In some ways they remind us of the terrible two toddlers – it’s all about them too! But…..one day they grow up. They learn social skills, they learn to care for others, and so we smile indulgently at teenagers when they declare their mixed message of independence intertwined with drama which insists “It’s All About Me.”

Of course, the reality is: it’s still “all about me.” In relationships, we bemoan the other’s lack of attention, his or her inability to “truly understand me,” or the fact that “they just drive me crazy!”

At our jobs, we seem to take an attitude that finding a job was the end-point – then the boss needs to pay us, tell us what to do and what needs to be corrected. But still we complain – do you know many people who say, “I love my job – how can I add more value to what I do?”

Lest I focus on those negative tendencies of human nature, let me point out the saving grace – yes, it’s all about me. We just need to think about it a bit differently. In relationships, we women can stop being “frog farmers.” What does that phrase mean? Women have the power to change a frog into a prince and by the same token, they can change a prince into a frog – that’s a frog farmer. You can imagine what that means, can’t you? Expecting that man to change so it can be all about me.

What do you do, men? When you go into your “cave” and don’t come out except for dinner, and stop doing all the loving actions that made your woman fall in love with you – you’re creating a problem instead of a princess. “If she’d just…. means you’re thinking, it’s all about me.”

At work – you have to find ways to ensure the wage paid to you is a bargain. You have to find out what needs doing and do it. You must grow and seek new ways to enhance your usefulness.

Does all this sound difficult? In actuality, changing the meaning of “it’s all about me” is the key. “Reframe” as we counselors say, to: “I’m the one who can change. I’m the one who is responsible. I’m the one who chooses.” Realize that giving and serving others is the path to your own happiness, prosperity and living a fulfilling life.

Changing your thinking is the first step – What? You exclaim! People will walk over me – I have to take care of me because no one else will. I’m not talking about allowing abuse, but respecting others first is a Biblical admonition that isn’t just about keeping us in line. God knows that’s how we flourish – by being so confident in ourselves, there’s an overflow where we can calmly allow others to be themselves.

Science in the form of functional MRI’s and SPEC brain scans show us the difference in the brain of someone who’s angry, frustrated or pessimistic and another who is calm and at peace because they’ve been thankful, helpful and taking responsibility – it’s all about me –I choose to be grateful; I choose to be intentional; I choose to step out in faith, and I choose to think differently.

When you extend that change from thinking differently to acting differently, the brain and body quickly rev up! Look at the successful people you know or hear or read about – they are “forward” thinkers, refusing to live in the past no matter their age. They are the grateful givers. They are the ones who truly believe it’s all about me.

I challenge you to take one small step this week to take charge of only you – evaluate yourself on a scale of 1-10 in areas of work, wealth, well-being and relationships. You know, if you rate yourself a 5, you’re half-way there! Then ask: What would be different if this area was a 6? Maybe you’d walk up the stairs 3 times instead of taking the elevator. Maybe you’d choose one day to solely focus on another person’s good points. Maybe you’d take 1 hour to work out a budget instead of plopping down in front of the TV. As you do those small steps, congratulate yourself – It is all about me – and I’m doing it, one step at a time!

When has this worked for you? I'd love to hear from you - by commenting on this blog or sending me an e-mail at bjruss39@comcast.net Barbra Russell