Train Your Brain

It's one of those "looks-so-easy-but-makes-you-want-to-pull-your-hair-out" moves I learned in my Tai Chi class. There's probably an exotic name for this move, but we simply called it "opposite arm-opposite leg." And just like that sounds, the object of the move is to take your left arm, extend it, and at the same time extend your right leg. Then you exchange limbs - right arm with left leg. Simple, right? Easy, right? And actually when you try it (I suggest you do), you can do it.

Slowly, with concentration, I would extend left arm and right leg. The trick is to continue that movement after you've stopped and want to get going again. What generally happens is a goose-stepping stance that looks like Nazis on parade with right arm and right leg briskly stepping out, then left arm and left leg following in stiff military fashion.

The whole concept of "opposite arm-opposite leg" is to help cross-train body and brain interactions, bringing increased health, concentration and physical/emotional well-being. It's a good thing to learn, albeit a challenge. Like I said, it "looks-so-easy-but-makes-you-want-to-pull-your-hair-out." I don't remember how long it took me to conquer the natural tendency my body had learned since toddler-ship. After all, I learned how you're "supposed to walk."

So it is with our brains. We "learn" how we're "supposed to think" and when challenged with a different way of thinking, even though we can logically know it's better for us, it's hard to change.

For many years some company managers and organizations interacted with their personnel in a "I'll yell at you and tell you what's wrong and then you'll be motivated to prove me wrong and do better" method of management.

Likewise, most Americans are inundated with messages such as "success follows hard work" which means you're supposed to be stressed out, and "if you have time to joke around, you must not be doing your job." On the personal front, covert messages of fear, comparison and disaster in the media and our everyday negative conversations have "trained" us to look for the "next bad thing."

Therapists joined right in, tending to dig into the "why" of emotional issues, insistent upon people dealing with the "real," "deep" problem and discussing what's wrong ad nauseum. Consequently, as a long-standing joke declares, "you walk into your therapist's office with one problem and leave with ten."

So when a 10-year research study by a Harvard professor proves that success follows happiness, instead of the other way around, our brains often need some serious retraining. "What? we think. "If you're happy, then you're more successful? You're kidding, right?" Because often this thought goes against everything we "know" to be true. The study met all research criteria and soundly concluded those people who decide to be happy first, those who focus on the positive, who intentionally look for and celebrate even small achievements are indeed more successful.

One part of the study looked at accomplished sales people, a group whose outcomes are easily measured. Researchers found they had 90% more sales than the rest of their co-workers. 90%? Really?" we say. 90%? Yes, that's right. The common thread? They loved what they did; they were optimistic, happy and enthusiastic. Their success followed their happiness. They made mistakes but they learned from them, and looked at what worked, rather than focusing on what went wrong.

The challenge, then, as we accept this new way of thinking, is to start the retraining job. I often help clients visualize this process by imagining ruts created on a country road after hours of rain have caused a muddy mess. As drivers carefully find their way through the mud like a horse daintily placing one hoof down after another, the beginning of a rut starts to emerge. As this trail is followed again and again, the rut deepens until the only successful way out is to stay in the rut.

Similarly, we learn how to safely navigate life's experiences by staying in well-defined ruts. When challenged with a new, more positive direction, our focus needs to be just as intense as we (No. 1) turn our "steering wheel" in the brain to a different point, then (No. 2) remain fixed in that direction to blaze a new trail.

Just imagine - it's really true that if you're happy and smiling, singing a tune or "whistling while you work," you'll be more productive and successful. Just inmagine -- it's really true that when you're intent on looking for the best in people or situations, you'll find yourself on the winning side. Or, as Paul said in the Bible, "I've learned to be content no matter my circumstances," as good a definition of happiness that I've ever heard.

I don't have to imagine - I know what happens in therapy sessions as I help people look for what's going right in their lives. There's always a place, of course, to deal with forgiving the past and learning new skills, but when you think about it, that's forward-moving versus problem-immersion. And often it boils down to training our brains to think differently, which in turn guides our emotions, our choices and our resulting experiences.

Here's an easy way to begin the "retraining" process. The minute you wake up in the morning, stretch and say out loud, "This is the day the Lord has made; I will rejoice and be glad in it." Repeat this phrase as you take your shower. Then, at the end of the day, as you get ready to go to bed, remind yourself of things you could "rejoice and be glad" about that day. It might be something familiar like appreciating getting home safely, having a job or family. Or perhaps you were surprised by the opportunity to make more money, meet new people or the great deal you got on a purchase.

Whatever you come up with, as you begin your day by stating your resolution, and wind up reflecting on how it came to pass, you've begun the process of retraining your brain. Just as I began to feel happier when I "rejoiced and was glad," and experienced more mastery from my Tai Chi movements, I also saw improved health, concentration and physical/emotional well-being. All because I trained my brain.

A final note: Focus on establishing happiness first and see the results. After a while, you'll find you're thinking differently, looking for the good in people, experiences and situations. And you too will find that success follows happiness. All you have to do is train your brain.

The Power of Love

THE POWER OF LOVE

You're probably familiar with 1 Corinthians 13 - the Love Chapter - and the verses that say, "If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have all these other gifts, but don't have love, I am nothing." And the chapter winds up by saying, "these 3 remain - faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

Did you ever wonder why love is the greatest? This scripture defines it and there are many Biblical references to our commandment to love. But what makes love so special?

Think about it; if love is the greatest gift operating in our lives, it will show up in some very specific ways. I see three different areas where we become transformed by the power of love: (1) we become more effective, (2) we act more maturely and (3) the impact on us and others is immense.

We are more effective - In Chapter 14, Paul goes on to say "follow the way of love" and talks about edifying others. Webster's Dictionary defines edifying as "to instruct in such a way as to improve, enlighten, or uplift morally or spiritually." When you're effective, you get results. You can tell when people love what they do, can't you? Their passion, in whatever field, is contagious, and they inspire others to love what they love. I think of speakers who move me to action, authors who motivate me to change and baristas who make my day because they are totally dedicated to making the very best cup of my special coffee.

I remember Dr. Jekyll, (that was really his name) who taught a graduate course in Colorado history. Because of his love for history, our class went on tours of historical downtown Colorado Springs and presented final research papers around a campfire while camping out on Mt. Pisgah above Cripple Creek! You can bet that's a class I won't soon forget and yes, I came to love Colorado hisstory because Dr. Jekyll loved it. He was passionate; he was informative; and he was very effective.

We act more maturely - Right in the middle of this chapter about love, Paul says, "when I was a child, I talked, thought and acted like a child. When I became a man, I push childish ways behind me." No more sulking, feeling sorry for yourself or having temper tantrums! Interestingly enough, I also saw a definition for maturity that said the mature person has no apology for success, and no complaint. No complaining? When we are filled with love and don't complain, that's very powerful, indeed! Just as powerful are people who confidently use their God-given gifts to be successful. They don't need to ask for affirmation or seek compliments; they know who they are; a great description of maturity.

And finally, we feel better - and others feel better when they're around us. Let me show you what I mean.

Think for a minute about SOMETHING you just absolutely love - like a hot fudge sundae - or my husband and son would say going ATV riding, or getting a massage or foot rub. (Close your eyes and see what you love in your mind's eye and think about it.)

Now think of SOMEONE you just absolutely love - grandkids fit into this category very well! And what do you love about them? Their eyes, or their smile or those cute little cheeks you just can't help but pinch? Or is that person you love a parent, a spouse or a mentor, a special friend? What makes you love them? How do they love you? (Close your eyes and see them in your mind's eye and focus on the love you feel for them.)

Now think of SOME PLACE you just love -- is it the mountains? Maybe walking barefoot on the beach? Maybe it's your own backyard. I absolutely love waking up early in the morning and looking out through our high windows to see the moon and the stars shining through. It's as though God and I are enjoying our own private show. (Close your eyes and go to that special place you love -- see it in your mind's eye.)

You can think of your favorite pets, music, colors, seasons, flowers; the list can go on and on. And if you close your eyes and think about those special things, I guarantee you'll feel something special.

And what about what you love TO DO? Even if it's not here yet -- maybe it's still in the dream stage - but as you love this idea, as you thnk of a DREAM you have, a HOPE for the future, a PLAN you want to put into action, as you LOVE this idea and you think of all the possibilities - Hey! What will it be like when I finish the book, get the new property, become the person who makes a difference? (Yes, close your eyes right now and love this!)

How do you feel now that you've thought about what you love? If you're like me, I get all teary-eyed and filled with gratitude for all the people, things and ideas I love. Like an uncontrolled virus spreading, I'm passionate about this greatest gift. Watch out! I'm contagioius!

What if you invested 3 minutes a day just going through the above exercise and immersing yourself in love? You'll become someone who (1) is more effective, (2) acts more maturely, and (3) who feels better and positively impacts those around you.

And you'll be able to say with the apostle Paul - there's faith, hope and love. But love? That's the greatest!

LET IT BE

It was a calm and peaceful night. With a full moon and balmy temperature, the stage was magnificently set at Red Rocks, the natural outdoor amphitheater in Morrison, Colorado. Anyone who lives in Colorado owes it to themselves to go to a concert there -- the acoustics are phenomenal, listening to music as you look out over the city of Denver is amazing, and I was thrilled to be there -- truly a magical night!

The concert that night was 1964 - Tribute to the Beatles, and those guys were awesome -- they sounded like the original Fab Four! As familiar lyrics and melodies rang through the night, I was struck by the words of "Let It Be."

When I find myself in times of trouble

Mother Mary comes to me

Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

....And in my hour of darkness

She is standing right in front of me

Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

-----------

There will be an answer, let it be.

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be.

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

Sometimes, of course, it's much easier to sing that song than live out the principle Paul McCartney was talking about. McCartney said he had the idea of "Let It Be" after a dream he had about his mother during a tense period surrounding recording sessions.

McCartney explained that his mother -- who died of cancer when McCartney was fourteen -- was the inspiration for the "Mother Mary" lyric. In the dream his mother told him, "It will be all right, just let it be."

But how do we truly just "let it be?" I saw a young woman crying during a baby dedication service. Was she experiencing acute pain for her inability to bear a child? Tears during a wedding ceremony often are a mixed bag of happiness and questioning, "Will it ever be me?" I meet with a married couple whose faces are a reflection of the strife they're going through. A father desperately seeks employment to provide for his family, without success.

Were I to say to these individuals, "Don't worry; just 'let it be,'" they'd probably slap me silly (or feel like it at least!) However, isn't this what Peter meant when he said, "Cast all your cares upon Him, for he cares for you?" He's basically saying, "God loves you more than you know; He knows what's best; He has a plan for you; trust Him; surrender those burdens of heaviness and quit fretting!"

I'm sure you've heard about those couples who, after years of fruitless attempts to have their own child, "give up" and adopt. Then, it seems almost immediately, she gets pregnant!

I know a young man who was so stressed out at work, he felt desperate. He wanted to quit but couldn't find another job. He decided to "make the best of it" and began to put his all into the current position, changed his attitude and began to excel right there. Within a short time, he received a call, inviting him to start work in an entirely different field; one he had been hoping to enter.

Despair was my regular companion when I compared my single condition to so many of my friends who had "Mrs." in front of their names. I had to change my own prayer to say, "OK, I'll just be an old maid and go minister to the Indians." That prayer not only changed my heart, (plus, I wonder if it made God laugh!) it changed my status from despondent loner to married woman.

The common thread? In each example, a decision to "let it be" turned fretting into freedom, heartache into happiness, and the hour of darkness into a time of joy. Remember, though, it's not enough to just "let go," there also has to be a replacement attitude -- a change of focus from "poor me" to, "God must have something different planned for me, so here we go!"

As you begin to enthusiastically embrace your present, and look forward with excitement to the future, you too can sing, "There will be an answer; let it be!"

Choose This Day

He said, "I didn't know....."
She said, "If you loved me, you'd know!" and went to her room, crying, feeling unloved.

He said, "This is my decision!"
She said, "Why did you make it?"
He responded by withdrawing and not speaking because she had questioned his authority.

You're driving in traffic and someone pulls out in front of you. You're angry and tell the steering wheel exactly what kind of idiots are driving nowadays.

I'm walking along the sidewalk and see a cigarette wrapper lying carelessly thrown aside and think what slobs those smokers are.

A familiar verse begins by telling us to "choose this day who you will serve." We have multitudes of opportunities each day to "choose." It's really up to us.

She could have chosen to believe his heart; instead, she chose to be hurt.

He could have chosen to appreciate the chance to discuss his parenting decision; instead, he chose anger.

You can choose to be thankful you're driving safely versus choosing to ruin your day by starting it in a temper.

I can choose to improve the environment by picking up the cigarette wrapper instead of being irritated.

You know what is also interesting? When we innocently, or even purposefully, do something perceived as wrong by others, we want -- we even expect -- others to understand us.

If we're distracted at a red light which turns green and people start honking, we get mad at them - "Give me a break, already!" Our actions warrant understanding and if need be, forgiveness, right? Granting such benevolence to others, however, is a horse of a different color and usually not so automatic. We must consciously choose the high road.

When we make that choice; when we choose to give someone the benefit of the doubt; when we opt to offer understanding; when we laugh and let it go, we're the beneficiaries. If nothing else, we have less stress, fewer ulcers and lower our blood pressure and chances of heart attacks!

I often encourage couples to provide a safe place for the other person to be themselves; that means, instead of immediately jumping to a negative conclusion, one assumes the other person means well. After all, they love each other, right?

If every couple started the day by affirming to themselves, "he/she loves me and I know I'm going to be treated well," that's what they will expect and, of course, that's what they usually find.

When we expand that attitude to include our extended family, friends, community and the workplace, it's amazing how much better our day goes! Because we don't waste time being upset, complaining or continually getting hurt, we can focus on what we're doing, how we're thinking and how we're impacting those around us. That is, after all, the only thing we can control.

I choose this day who I will serve and how I will do it.

Whittling Away At Self Esteem

I started whittling away at my self esteem when my husband laughed.

That's what some women do a lot, you know? We whittle... (def: To cut small bits from a piece of wood or to reduce or eliminate gradually). We mean well, we have good intentions but we begin to whittle, slowly eroding all evidence of our real selves.

Picture an old man of mountain folk-lore sitting on the porch of an aged-gray shack, a pile of shavings at his feet. Sometimes there's an incredible piece of art which emerges from a stump; sometimes there's just a pile of sawdust.

We women are at risk of feeling like that pile of sawdust whose inner beauty, true self and joy for living have been whittled away. It happens inoccuously and for many, the process is ignored until depression, disease or divorce brings it to the forefront. I didn't "get it" until later in life, but once I became aware that my real self was hiding away somewhere, I began taking steps to correct the situation, and it wasn't long before I began to feel alive -- emerging from the shavings to become the piece of art God designed me to be.

Let me tell you about this particular experience:

My son was less than a year old, and I was entertaining him -- and myself, truth be told -- by leading the parade in our living room, dancing in step with an old record of Sousa marches. That's when my husband came home from work and laughed with my son.

The problem? I thought he was laughing at me -- after all, I was being a bit foolish -- a grown woman acting like a kid. But I didn't ask, I didn't tell; I just quit dancing.

Why did I do this? Why do any of us women whittle ourselves down? I could cite many more examples; we're the first to put ourselves down with, "I'm sorry," when there's no reason to be sorry. We struggle with feeling good about our bodies; we care for others to the detriment of our own self-care, and we negatively compare ourselves with others.

Why? We women are a complex combination of emotions, details and a sixth sense that wakes us up in the middle of the night to discover a sick baby. We are made to pick up nuances of facial muscles, jaw tightening or body language that emits acceptance or disapproval. Because these subtle signs often fend off disaster or discomfort, our brain becomes programmed to perform interpretive duties on thousands of small bits of information. We make assumptions and decisions based on these messages, but many times -- as in my case -- such "evidence" is false.

I brought an already weakened self-esteem into my marriage and over the years, just as I did as a young girl, I slowly began to change who I was and started to become who I believed someone else wanted me to be. I thought I was being a good wife, compromising without complaint as I quit going to musicals because he didn't enjoy them, stopped acting like a kid having a good time, and all in all resigning myself to living a shadow self. Looking back, it scares me that the analogy which came to mind was "The Stepford Wives," a movie about "perfect" wives who in reality were robots with no soul.

Another problem? He didn't want a Stepford Wife -- my husband wanted the fun-loving, sometimes silly-acting, outgoing girl he fell in love with. He loved seeing me dance. He enjoyed seeing me happy at musicals. Just because he didn't do those things didn't mean I shouldn't.

When opposites attract, as they so often seem to do, God intends there to be an enhanced one from two. However, the pattern for us slow-learning humans, it seems, is to either collide with each other, creating constant bickering or downright fighting; or, as in my case, no conflict, but a gradual erosion of self.

I once heard a story of Michelangelo describing his sculpture of "The David." Someone asked him how to knew what to cut away and design from the original piece of stone. His reply? "I have only to hew away the rough walls that imprison the lovely apparition to reveal it to the other eyes as mine see it." He simply began to reveal what was already within; a magnificent piece of art which inspires us to this day.

When we allow God, our divine sculptor, to use people, circumstances and troubles to slowly reveal our true statue of strength, grace and beauty, that's when we begin to make a positive impact on our world.

How do we do that? Three "A's" provide the answer: Ask, Act and Affirm.

We begin to Ask: "What did you mean by that?" "What do I really like and want?"

We begin to Act: "I've decided I'd like to do that." "This is what I want from you."

And, most importantly for our self esteem, we begin to Acknowledge and Affirm who God has made us to be. "I'm a beautiful person, and I love my hair and my eyes, and my long legs, and yes, even my stomach which has born a child and so isn't so flat anymore..." and any other part of the body or our lives that we don't feel measures up. And by the way, what are we measuring ourselves against? An unrealistic, media-driven image of what others tell us we should be. Completing a scripture search on who God says we are is illuminating and much more productive!

When we're healthy in our minds, in our bodies and in our determination to be who God has created us to be, serving where we are called, that's when we'll see a piece of art arising like the Phoenix from the pile of shavings we call life.

MAKE MINE AN EXTRA VALUE MEAL

I'm rather embarrassed to tell you I was excited when I first figured out the whole extra value meal deal. You get a hamburger, fries and a drink -- and the fries are free! (Of course, I know that's a lot of junk food and excitement should probably not be the operative word, but that's a subject for another day.)


Extra value - that's something we all appreciate, especially when we're on the receiving end. Free French fries, a car wash when we get the car serviced, or the waitress who learns our names and how we like our eggs!


What might be surprising is to realize there's great delight in giving extra value. I once heard a speaker describe how he began this process. As a frequent flier, whenever he talked to his seat-mate on a flight, he'd get a business card, then send a handwritten note commenting on something he'd remembered from their conversation. He didn't ask for business or expect anything in return; and really, that effort didn't seem like much. However, the extra value he gave so impressed the recipients that even years later, they'd call him. The delight didn't just come from the additional business he received; it came from offering more.


I experienced the same pleasure in figuring out I could offer birthday treats for my clients, send an e-mail celebrating special days to special people, and give nightly foot rubs to my husband.


How can you give -- and ultimately receive -- extra value at your job, at your home, with the people you encounter? When you passionately enjoy what you're doing, I don't think it's that hard to give extra value. The challenge is to give more in those areas of your life you might not relish.


If you're in a job you really don't like, developing an "owner of the business" attitude is the beginning of change. Offering to help when "it's not my job" begins to propel you into a different mind-set.


Going the extra mile in a failing marriage might look like a losing proposition at first. But wouldn't it be worth making the first move, forgiving past hurts or ignoring little things you don't like and applauding poisitive aspects of the man or woman you used to believe you'd spend the rest of your life with? I've seen marriages turn around when even one person gets a different perspective.


How about extra value for you? Making the time, saving the money, giving the effort to buy that book you've yearned to have, start the flower garden or go on a long weekend get-away could be the beginning of treating yourself to the same consistent high standard I'm advocating you include regularly in your life with others.


Ultimately the efforts you make for others and for yourself result in extra value for you. Go ahead and splurge -- make your life an extra-value meal!

Could It Be Magic?

Could It Be Magic? (Power of the Pen)

Cheryl thought it was like magic - "Is that all you did?" she asked incredulously. "Just wrote down what you ate and you lost fifteen pounds?"

Yes, keeping track of what I ate (Weight Watchers points) helped me change my eating habits and lose weight - not just go on a diet.

Likewise, when I began to keep a gratitude journal, I began to change my way of thinking and looking at the world.

When I can't go to sleep or when I wake up at 2 a.m. with a problem on my mind, I get up, jot down my thoughts and amazingly, I'm able to go right back to sleep!

How does this happen? First of all, when we write it down - whether we're talking about changing habits of exercise, food or it's our desire to save money - it becomes real. We can't forget what we did because we have notes and details; it keeps us honest.

Secondly, I know from counseling experiences that when we put troublesome thoughts on paper, immediately they lose some of their power to control us. If we keep them spinning around inside our heads, they just keep on spinning our world.

The other thing I've noticed at 2 a.m: you wake up with an idea or a solution to a problem - have you ever experienced that? That's great; however, sometimes it starts a chain reaction of thoughts and there's no way you're going back to sleep. It's kind of like your brain is saying, "Now, you can't foget this!" When you get up and write it down, your brain can relax - "OK, it's covered, you won't forget. Now go back to sleep."

You're familiar with "The Bucket List," I'm sure, or the concept of "100 Things I want To Have, Be, and Do In My Life." Just the process of deciding what you want is powerful, but when you get those goals written down, your mind is then very aware of them and goes to work on achieving them.

I recently had the experience of enjoying an awe-inspiring trip to Bryce Canyon in Utah; then, after returning home, found my "places I want to visit" list tucked away in a scenic magazine our son purchased for us. At the top of the list? Bryce Canyon, Utah. Even though I had written that list years earlier and in fact, had forgotten about it, my mind hadn't.

So whether you have a problem, a praise or a plan, write it down -- the power of the pen is like magic.

SURPRISED BY GOD - by Barbra Russell

We were surprised, alright. For years, my husband and I had kept our eyes peeled for big horn sheep whenever we were in a promising rocky area, but we were perpetually disappointed. Then suddenly, yesterday, while driving along, one appeared! We were so excited! My husband screeched to a stop and quickly grabbed the camera as this beautiful creature of God with huge curvy horns posed for a photo shot.

I recalled the sermon the pastor preached just that morning -- "A Divine Surprise," challenging us to look for a divine surprise, whether big or small. Was this small? Perhaps. It was definitely a reminder that God often works in "surprises," not answering prayers when we wish, but in His timing.

In that same message, the pastor told the story of a recent airline trip when he asked for a first class upgrade, but was told no first class seats were available. As he strode along the airport hallway during his 3-hour layover time, he noticed another gate with a flight to his destination which was leaving in 5 minutes. Even though it seemed improbable, he flew off a few minutes later, firmly ensconced in his first class seat.

I was struck by a couple of things in that story. First, he asked for an upgrade. How many times have I flown, wishing for a first class seat but meekly heading toward the back of the plane and taking a seat in the middle of coach -- I hadn't even asked! Jesus tells us to ask, to seek, to knock, and that means more than just saving our souls -- that's just the beginning. We have not, because we ask not. But we're often too scared; too intimidated to ask, to hope, to believe.

We need to ask for the upgrade.

I love the scene from the movie "The Notebook" when Noah asks Allie, "What do YOU want? Forget what I want, forget what your parents want, forget what your fiance wants -- what do YOU want? What do you WANT?

So I ask you - what do YOU want? Perhaps for years you've acquiesced to what your parents or other people have told you to do -- and that became what you wanted. Let me tell you, as the saying goes, "I've been there, done that, got the T-shirt." It's much better since I've decided what I want.

Secondly, we need to expect an answer, a surprise. The pastor was on the lookout, eyes peeled for other possibilities when he glimpsed the different departing flight. Again, I've walked along airplane concourses with no thought of other possibilities. I've walked thoughtlessly along life's corridors as well. What have I missed when I'm not expecting anything more than what I already have?

There are times in our lives when we want more, but are afraid of being rejected or disappointed, saying, "What if it doesn't happen?" Interestingly enough, we usually don't even answer that question; we just get frozen. By default, we choose the more safe, but fearful way of limited living; always longing, always wanting, but mostly just complaining about our lot in life. We build walls of protection around us, trying to stave off disappointment, rejection or despair.

However, the same wall we erect for protection also keeps out the wonderful things. We live a safe but mediocre life, without risking being all God has made us to be. When we start to dismantle that wall, aaahh... that's when we'll uncover the passion, the excitement, the joy. The healthy self experiences and expresses the full range of living life; a time to mourn, a time to live, a time for sadness, a time for joy.

When we ask for what we want, we don't have to BEG - but when we do Believe and Expect, then we Get those divine surprises, big or small.

We had a wonderful experience yesterday -- we've got pictures to prove it -- and I loved being surprised by God.

This Too Shall Pass - Oh, Really?

"This too shall pass." The words were uttered with such a caring tone and loving embrace, I knew they were meant to offer compassion and hope. But to me, they rang empty and hollow, meaningless words for what seemed an unchanging, hopeless condition.

For the first time in my life, I whispered, "I understand why people want to kill themselves... they can't imagine living like this."

Yet, after six months of continual blinding headaches which made me pound my head in frustrated despair against the night-stand and an endless saga of neck and back pain that caused me to swear I'd never judge someone with unseen disabilities ever again, these words somehow offered the only promise I could hang onto.

Six months earlier, I thought I'd simply slept wrong when I woke up with what seemed an innocuous muscle spasm. However, this began a year-long struggle to combat a degenerated disc that seemed to resist any medical treatment and challenged my faith, my purpose and direction in life.

"This too shall pass?" Oh, Really? Perhaps if I had known that at the end of a year, I'd slowly be able to resume a normal life, I could have said, "Well, I don't like it, but I can do it." But I didn't know that. And I've met other people, like Andrea, whose hand was literally cut off above the wrist in the middle of a horrific domestic fight who didn't know how or if the nightmare would ever pass.

When we're in the middle of such a storm, whether it's a physical challenge, a spiritual crisis of faith or other world-upending events such as death, divorce or devastation we don't know how long we'll be in that dark tunnel.

That's when we have to hang on to words like "this too shall pass" as if it's a life line thrown to us from the deck of the Titanic. It's when we have to utilize the "action before feelings" principle that says: "Do what you know is right to do, or that you've perhaps learned you must do because of this crisis." Believe and act means even if your feelings tell you to give up, give in or go back to how it's always been, you step out in faith.

I had to learn to say no, to manage stress in my life and implement a consistent walk with God that meant regular talks with Him versus just calling Him up when I wanted something. Andrea had to learn to walk away from her life. You know, even though it wasn't the best, it was familiar and therefore scary for her to release. Others have had to face loneliness and the prospect of life without anyone there to share it. Stepping out in faith without any excitement, certainty or other positive emotion is a challenge at least, and at worst, a desperate last ditch effort.

Andrea now beams in her new life with a surgically attached hand and more importantly, a faith-attached walk that includes a job reaching out to others. Many others I've worked with joyously proclaim they've been through the fire and come out the other side, and they have the scars to prove it!

If you're in the middle of turmoil and you can't see an end, I encourage you to hang on to these words, "This too shall pass. Remember, Jesus said, "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." With His help, somehow, someway, you'll get through this. And if there are old habits, lifestyles, people or changes you need to release, you will say, perhaps totally by faith, "these too shall pass!"

"Instead" In Action - Building a Bridge

Imagine, if you will, two bodies of water. One represents pain, problems or persistent, negative ways of acting, believing and living. Therefore, this body of water may appear as a mud puddle, a slimy pond or a huge lake where the Loch Ness Monster lurks beneath the surface!

The other body of water is clear, sparkling and inviting, holding forth promises of a better life of health, confidence, and rewarding relationships. However, it seems far away and there's no obvious way to get there.

The solution? A bridge...the Bridge of "Instead." The key and first step to get from the murky water of what you don't like to that inviting promise of clear sailing is to decide what you want "instead."

Often we get stuck as we continue to focus on what's wrong; we complain, we get angry, we feel sorry for ourselves. That activity keeps us in a whirlpool, leading nowhere. So the very first thing after learning God's truths "instead" is to become very clear about what you want. Some examples might be: "I want a better job, a healthier body, a more satisfying relationship, more money...." the list could go on and on! But already you're preparing to start construction.

When you build a "Bridge of Instead," let me point out that it's YOU who does the work - there's no wishing, hoping or praying that your spouse will change, that your job will become more satisfying, that co-workers will start treating you with respect or that you will finally find the magical pill which erases all evidence of poor past decisions.

Nope, this is a bridge that gets erected one small change at a time. Let me give you an example. "Sue" wished desperately for a better relationship with her mother as they hadn't spoken in years after many incidents of abuse, anger and hurtful words. After waiting for apologies which never came, Sue felt hopeless and stuck in muddy water.

She began to build her Bridge of Instead by working on forgiveness. This process of grieving past hurts and once again re-living painful memories is like "emotional throwing up." However, just as physical throwing up gets rid of what's making us sick, emotional throwing up does the same. Once and for all, Sue wrote about all the emotions, all the events and all the residual hurt she had toward her mother.

After placing this first plank on her "Instead Bridge," she then began the thorough process of forgiving each of these incidents, laying more planks, one at a time. By the time Sue forgave her mother, then herself for carrying this burden around for so long, and stated how her life would be different, her bridge was complete.

Had her mother apologized? No. Forgiveness is for our benefit, regardless of what the "other" does. it's why the Bible is so adamant about the command to forgive; God knows we're the ones who benefit. And Sue was no exception. She reported such inner freedom long before she actually had an encounter with her mother that the meeting was anti-climatic. However, as so often happens, when you change, things begin to change around you. Sue and her mother reconciled.

There are other bridge-making materials; some examples include setting boundaries, developing disciplines or identifying that trauma in your life which started an existence of addiction or other destructive behaviors. When you're faced with an ugly, wet river filled with what you don't like, remember you can build a bridge to the other side. Just start with what you want "Instead."