Draw For Your Dinner

Draw For Your Dinner

 

 

 

Have you heard of the old phrase, “Sing for your supper?” 

             Instead of a singer performing to earn his meal, I decided to have those gathered around our Thanksgiving table this year “Draw for your dinner.” 

             Each participant will draw a picture of something specific they’re thankful for, as they look back on the year 2013.  Artistic ability is not a requirement - as you can clearly see from my drawing below! 

 

            My thankful memory of 2013 consists of a heart with a couple of feet at the bottom.  That image represents a couple of related events this year.  The heart signifies our son’s successful open heart surgery, and he’s alive!  The feet? The article I wrote about that whole episode, “Clapping With Your Feet,” became my first published article!

             When we cite specific instances of thanks, we avoid the trap of rote recitation, taking God and good things for granted. 

             The entire chapter of Psalm 118 speaks to varied and mighty works of God.  “…His love endures forever.”  “The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid.”  “The Lord is my strength and my song.  “I will not die but live.”  And certainly, “This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.”

             During 2013, these verses came alive for our family more than ever, and as I draw, I’m reminded of God’s goodness.  That picture will remain etched on my memory as I look forward to 2014.

             What would you draw to represent a specific occasion, event, answered prayer, or opportunity?  I’d love to hear your answers or see your illustrations of thankfulness, and you too can “Draw for your Dinner.”   

God, help us not to love what's killing us!

God, help us not to love what’s killing us!

 

“God, help us not to love what’s killing us!”  Dr. Chris Hill’s impassioned prayer concluded his message, “Scandalous,” based on the infamous Samson and Delilah story found in Judges 16.

From the perspective of centuries later, it certainly seems obvious to me that Samson should have seen what Delilah was up to.  I mean, after 3 different times of her manipulation and setting his enemies upon him, you’d think he would be on to her.  Yet, Samson, this strongest of all men, was drawn like a moth to a flame, seduced by the very thing that would  kill him.

But guess what?  Living in the modern world creates no immunity from that same behavior.  I believe all of us can relate to the apostle Paul’s lament, ….” what I want to do, I do not do, but what I hate, I do.”  Let’s listen in on some present-day “Samsons:”

       “Well, we’ve all got to go sometime,” heard at the bedside of a smoker with lung cancer who still felt compelled to light up a cigarette.

       “I think he’s really changed, and he promised he wouldn’t beat me again,” the bruised and battered victim of domestic violence proclaims.

 

      “That 3 bites of candy bar was so good, I ate the whole thing!  But I’m not having any more sugar after next Monday!”

 I could go on and on, but it seems we all need to pray, “God, help us not to love what’s killing us!”  Why do we rationalize, justify and continue to love what’s killing us? 

 In addition to usual explanations (we’re all human, we don’t like change, etc.) an understanding of how our brain works might help. 

 Our brain has many neural pathways which function like super-highways.  These freeways provide fast-moving flow of information, allowing us to do many routine tasks “on automatic.”  Pretty soon, we have what I call “ruts in the road,” those well-defined routes to routine. 

 

Imagine an old pick-up traveling down a country road after a heavy rain.  As long as that truck stays within the confines of the ruts created in mud, the driver keep on going in the same direction. 
 

Similarly, after a smoker lights up after a meal, pretty soon the mind, the hand, the lungs and the cigarette are all moving down the “rut in the road,” until the action becomes automatic, then addictive.

If that pick-up is going to get out of the “ruts,” it’s going to take some effort, because the temptation of “easy, known or desired,” is often hard to resist.  But if those ruts are leading to a washed-out bridge, there’s danger ahead.  And if that driver refuses to leave the ruts, he might be killed. 

 The good news is, however, that again our brain can help us out.  Research has also shown that our brain has “plasticity,” the ability to continue to learn and develop new neural pathways.

 Thus, if we start on a NEW path, a new way of behaving, thinking, learning, we can start jogging instead of eating, chewing gum instead of smoking, dealing with troublesome issues instead of “stuffing,”  and the positive changes can go on and on. 

 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.”  2 Corinthians 5:17

 Let us learn from Samson, from Paul and from our own history and be determined to stop loving the things that are killing us! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                                                                                                        

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

                                                                                                                        

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                                                                                                        

F = Feedback, Not Failure

“We need to study the failures of the “Giants” of the Bible.”  The comment struck an almost discordant note amidst a chorus of “hallelujahs!”  We had just completed a study of John Maxwell’s book, Running With Giants and were reflecting on highlights from the 8-week course. 

We looked at leadership styles from such Old Testament patriarchs as Noah, Moses and David, and it was easy to remember their successes.  Reflected in such descriptive phrases as “One person can make a difference,”  “Live in the faith zone, not the safe zone,” and “You can overcome the limitations others put on you,” these stories were all very inspirational and motivational.  

 Why, then, would we want to look at their failures?  As someone said, “I’ve read the end of the Book, and it all turns out ok!”  But that’s a problem in itself – we know the “rest of the story.” However, what happens inside the story is often where we relate – the mistakes, the “gunk,” the falls from grace.

            Noah got drunk, Moses had a crisis of self-confidence, and David’s story of being an adulterer and murderer is well known.  Of course, women in the Bible had their struggles as well!  I think of Sarah who wasn’t always a flawless example of a life of faith!  In fact, lack of faith might more aptly label her belief:  “God’s not coming through for me with a child.”

            And yet, they overcome failures and became the heroes now so well regarded.  How did they do that?  The short answer:  Failures are just feedback for continued growth. 

When I was a young girl, I created an equation in my mind which read, “love = performance.”  That conclusion meant no one (including God) would love me unless I did all the right things in all the right ways.  Talk about a recipe for disaster!  Insisting on that kind of control and perfection is a set-up for inevitable failure!       

The promises of Jeremiah 31:3: ”I have loved you with an everlasting love” and Ephesians 1:16:  “I am accepted in Christ” couldn’t penetrate the emotional wall I created to keep me safe.

 However, I discovered, as have many others, that the path of least resistance, while easier, is not all it’s cracked up to be!  That same protective fortification also keeps out wonderful passions, joy and the excitement of “being alive.”    Finally, one day, my desire to move forward became greater than my fear.  It was time for the barriers to come down, time to turn failure into feedback!

With tentative, sometimes fearful steps, I began to dismantle that wall.  I remember when I first “found my voice” and dared to disagree with my father – wow!  That was a big step for me!  When I wasn’t immediately struck by lightning, a small brick of insecurity tumbled down!    

Gradually, knowledge of God’s grace and true love began to replace that false equation.  What a relief to feel accepted even when I didn’t “perform” perfectly!

I discovered I could declare, “I’d rather have Mexican food tonight” instead of meekly murmuring, “whatever you want is fine with me.”  Another brick gone!

Walls come in all shapes and sizes – when people with social anxiety speak up in a group, they’ve begun to dismantle their wall.  A woman consumed with self-doubt about her body shows up in a new outfit, dressed to kill, and we know she’s conquering fear!  A man relentlessly determined to pursue a career, a relationship or a new challenge finds the warrior within and walls plummet!  These are failures turned into feedback.   

Will it require hard work?  Yes.  Will it happen overnight?  No.  Might we be tempted to give up?  Probably.  But…….If the “Giants of the Bible” overcame failures to become “men after God’s own heart,” let’s be encouraged.  Even when we blow it, if we take responsibility and ask for forgiveness, we too can become giants of faith, ordinary people who turn failures into feedback.

Clapping With Your Feet

         

  “I just want to wake up and find out I’m alive,” were Dane’s last words before heading into the surgical suite.  After hearing his surgeon graphically describe the steps involved in performing open heart surgery, I think we were all echoing his wish!   Dr. Miller explained that during the 5-6 hour surgery, he’d make a chest incision, spread the ribs, stop the heart, place Dane on a heart and lung machine which would keep our son alive, then repair the leaky heart valve.  Whew!  Even though in some ways it was helpful to hear, I think that was more information than we wanted to know!  This was indeed scary stuff!

            Seven hours later, we entered his ICU room.  Dane’s eyes were closed, a breathing respirator down his throat, and his hands were fastened down, lest he inadvertently pull out one of those life-saving tubes.  Perhaps needless to say, that was hard to witness.  And even though the surgery was successful, I did wake up in the middle of the night replaying the day. 

            My night-time ruminations made me reflect about others going through such helpless times.   As a counselor, I’ve seen people survive emotional heart surgery, only to awaken to bed-side visitors of fear, anxiety, and worry.  

            Their last words before such surgery may have sounded like, “Please don’t leave me,” “how will we pay the bills,” or “I just want to wake up and this will all be a dream!”  Being in the emotional intensive care unit often limits one’s field of vision to blackness of present circumstances, as well as a feeling of hands being tied.   And on top of that, emotional heart surgery patients often feel God has abandoned them.  

            However, as Hebrews 13:5 reminds us, God says, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”  David penned the famous words of Psalm 23 which state, “yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for Thou art with me.”  2 Timothy says, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love and of a sound mind!”  When recovering sufferers grab hold of these God-sent promises, what happens next can be as powerful as what occurred in Dane’s recovery room. 

            My husband joyfully leaned over and spoke directly into his son’s ears – “It’s over, and you’re alive, son!”  We weren’t sure he really heard that for a minute, but then we noticed movement under the covers at the foot of the bed.  It looked like one of those trained seals at Sea World moving its flippers.  And then we realized, Dane was clapping with his feet! 

            Even though he couldn’t speak or respond normally, Dane was applauding, letting us know he was glad he was alive!  Tears ran down our faces as we rejoiced with him.  And from that praise grew hope, which morphed into encouragement, and then a rallying cry from deep within, “No matter what happened, I’m still alive – I’ll make it!”    

            If you ever feel discouraged by events beyond your control; if you’re feeling sorry for yourself because things aren’t going as you planned, and you feel your hands are tied, your voice is silent and your eyes tightly shut, just remember:  You’re still alive!  And if the enemy of your soul tries to tell you there’s nothing you can do, keep this in mind - you can still clap with your feet!  Let praise be your avenue to healing and hope; the strength to carry on.




praise be your avenue to healing and hope; the strength to carry on.   

             

My Prescription:  Give up
Unhappiness for Lent!

I must admit, growing up I didn’t know very much about the Ash Wednesday to Easter Lenten season.  The concept of giving up something for Lent remains on the fringes of my awareness; that is, I sagely acknowledge the observance but don’t invite the practice into my well-ordered routine.  I mean, after all, who would willingly deny themselves a much-enjoyed delight such as sugar or TV for 40 days? 

A powerful Ash Wednesday service last week changed my mind.  I learned Ash Wednesday is the first day of Lent in the Western Christian calendar.  According to the canonical gospels of Matthew, Mark and Luke, Jesus spent 40 days fasting in the desert, where he endured temptation by Satan.  Ash Wednesday marks the beginning of the 40-day liturgical period of prayer and fasting or abstinence and derives its name from the practice of placing ashes on the foreheads as a reminder and celebration of human mortality, and as a sign of mourning and repentance to God.  The ashes used are typically gathered from the burning of the palms from the previous year’s Palm Sunday.

Reflecting on this experience, I also pondered the companion to Ash Wednesday: giving up something for 40 days.  A strange idea entered my mind  - what if we all gave up unhappiness for Lent?  Because, when it comes right down to it, we are the ones in charge of our reactions and our feelings.  When I am disgusted with others or disappointed with life, the main person who is unhappy is me! 

Giving up unhappiness might sound strange in a society where it seems we are directed toward negativity or what’s wrong.  For example, a recent newspaper advice column offered this letter from a man who signed his letter, Perfectly Miserable. “Dear Amy, My wife is wonderful.  She is intelligent and thoughtful and kind.  There is only one thing that bothers me about her, and it is this:  There is always one more thing that bothers her about me.” 

Don’t we see that in our world?  There seems to always be one more thing that bothers us!  So here’s a prescription I recommend you take for the next 40 days: 

o   Instead of enumerating all his faults, look for his successes.

o   Decide to cherish her versus reflecting on how much she bugs you.

o   Opt out of the gossip-around-the-water-cooler time; then remember how excited you were to have this job, any job!

o   Love your body rather than listing all its components which dissatisfy you.

o   Deliberately turn off the TV and spend an evening with the family.

            When we choose “a better way,” scientific studies prove that we actually become happier!   I challenge you to start now, mark a date 40 days from now on your calendar, and start using this prescription to give up unhappiness for Lent!  

Dreams From The Heart

            Brrrrrrr……..Snow is blowing, and the wind is howling mournfully around the windows.  It’s winter time in Colorado!   As I walk up the stairs, a welcome wave of warm air reminds me to keep on climbing -- hot air rises.  When I get to the top, I’ll feel snug and cozy, and if there’s quite a few stairs, I can even say I got some exercise!!

But what happens when the cold comes from within?  When the journey seems too long, with too many stairs?   Or we’re frozen with indecision, lack of motivation, too tired to once again face internal winds of war? 

               As we greet another New Year, some people may remember countless New Year’s resolutions which never seem to last beyond the time it takes to make a list and check it twice!  How many times do folks swear to get in better shape, set up a budget and stick to it or have better relationships?  

               In December, 2013 if you were to complete this sentence:  “2013 was the best year ever because___________,”  I’m willing to bet some of you would pen dreams from your heart; record hopes for a different future, or once again make a bucket list! 

            Too often, however, we run into “All or Nothing” thinking, measuring success as black or white, 100% or 0.  If we don’t accomplish goals pretty quickly, giving up and going back down appears easier than the effort required to keep on climbing. 

            My client “Jane” truly desired a better relationship with her husband and resolved to curb her critical tongue.  The following month, however, she reported her husband didn’t seem to notice any of her efforts and she was struggling to remain motivated.   “Why try?” she wondered aloud, a textbook example of “All or Nothing” thinking. 

Another client proudly proclaimed:  “no more sweets for me!”  After he ate an entire candy bar in a weak moment, his resolution turned to resignation, and he dejectedly declared, “that’s just who I am… I’ll never be able to do it!”  Sounds like “All or Nothing Thinking” to me!

But, I’m reminded of a baseball analogy I like: 

            .  Famous ball players are known by their batting averages, the number of hits they have divided by the times they’re “at bat.”  I’m certainly not a baseball connoisseur, but even I recognize such names as Ted Williams and Ty Cobb, whose batting averages were .366 and .344 respectively.  Translating those sterling performances into percentages, you read 37% and 34%, certainly a long way from 100%!  That really means that not even half, not even 50% of the time they hit the ball!    And these men are revered baseball greats, giants in the Baseball Hall of Fame!

            But of course you know what those guys did; they kept on swinging, even when they missed more than they hit!  And we think they’re fantastic! 

            What if we kept swinging, even in the light of apparent failure?  What if we kept climbing, determined to be different?  That’s what Jane decided to do – keep swinging – in this case, watching what comes out of her mouth.

To help her “batting average,” we talked about her beginning to see things differently by using a mathematical formula:   1>0, One is Greater Than Zero.  She was to note efforts she made because any progress is better than doing nothing at all!  If she refrained from judgmental comments for one month, she could do it again!  Focusing on progress rather than failures can only lead to more success! 

The “sugar-addict” was encouraged to implement the same formula.  I reminded him that when you abstain from sugar for any length of time, you begin to change your taste buds!  You’re further down the road than when you started, even if sometimes you feel you’ve gone 2 steps forward and 1 back.  Or, even if you feel (as is pretty common) you’ve gone 1 step forward and 2 steps back – if you keep climbing, keep swinging at the ball, you’re going to be inducted into your own hall of fame as you reach your goals.    

I challenge you to step out in faith; write down what you’d like to accomplish by the end of 2013.  As Romans 4:17 says, “Call those things that are not as though they were.”  Identify the steps needed, and start measuring progress; the times you connect with the ball.  Remember, you might be like Ted or Ty and strike out more often than you hit home runs, but as you “walk and not faint” you can join Jane in a success statement:  Hers read: “things have been going well between my husband and I; he actually commented on how sweet I’ve been!”  Just as importantly, she reports feeling better about herself, growing confident in her ability to climb one step at a time, because 1>0; One is Always Greater Than Zero.

“You shall run and not be weary, you shall walk and not faint.”

To read more articles, please go to:

http://phdlifegroups.wordpress.com

or

www.tphd.org/counseling blog -

Barbra Russell, MA, LPC, Counseling Ministry

Potter’s House Church of Denver

                

           

Dreams From The Heart

            Brrrrrrr……..Snow is blowing, and the wind is howling mournfully around the windows.  It’s winter time in Colorado!   As I walk up the stairs, a welcome wave of warm air reminds me to keep on climbing -- hot air rises.  When I get to the top, I’ll feel snug and cozy, and if there’s quite a few stairs, I can even say I got some exercise!!

But what happens when the cold comes from within?  When the journey seems too long, with too many stairs?   Or we’re frozen with indecision, lack of motivation, too tired to once again face internal winds of war? 

               As we greet another New Year, some people may remember countless New Year’s resolutions which never seem to last beyond the time it takes to make a list and check it twice!  How many times do folks swear to get in better shape, set up a budget and stick to it or have better relationships?  

               In December, 2013 if you were to complete this sentence:  “2013 was the best year ever because___________,”  I’m willing to bet some of you would pen dreams from your heart; record hopes for a different future, or once again make a bucket list! 

            Too often, however, we run into “All or Nothing” thinking, measuring success as black or white, 100% or 0.  If we don’t accomplish goals pretty quickly, giving up and going back down appears easier than the effort required to keep on climbing. 

            My client “Jane” truly desired a better relationship with her husband and resolved to curb her critical tongue.  The following month, however, she reported her husband didn’t seem to notice any of her efforts and she was struggling to remain motivated.   “Why try?” she wondered aloud, a textbook example of “All or Nothing” thinking. 

Another client proudly proclaimed:  “no more sweets for me!”  After he ate an entire candy bar in a weak moment, his resolution turned to resignation, and he dejectedly declared, “that’s just who I am… I’ll never be able to do it!”  Sounds like “All or Nothing Thinking” to me!

But, I’m reminded of a baseball analogy I like: 

            .  Famous ball players are known by their batting averages, the number of hits they have divided by the times they’re “at bat.”  I’m certainly not a baseball connoisseur, but even I recognize such names as Ted Williams and Ty Cobb, whose batting averages were .366 and .344 respectively.  Translating those sterling performances into percentages, you read 37% and 34%, certainly a long way from 100%!  That really means that not even half, not even 50% of the time they hit the ball!    And these men are revered baseball greats, giants in the Baseball Hall of Fame!

            But of course you know what those guys did; they kept on swinging, even when they missed more than they hit!  And we think they’re fantastic! 

            What if we kept swinging, even in the light of apparent failure?  What if we kept climbing, determined to be different?  That’s what Jane decided to do – keep swinging – in this case, watching what comes out of her mouth.

To help her “batting average,” we talked about her beginning to see things differently by using a mathematical formula:   1>0, One is Greater Than Zero.  She was to note efforts she made because any progress is better than doing nothing at all!  If she refrained from judgmental comments for one month, she could do it again!  Focusing on progress rather than failures can only lead to more success! 

The “sugar-addict” was encouraged to implement the same formula.  I reminded him that when you abstain from sugar for any length of time, you begin to change your taste buds!  You’re further down the road than when you started, even if sometimes you feel you’ve gone 2 steps forward and 1 back.  Or, even if you feel (as is pretty common) you’ve gone 1 step forward and 2 steps back – if you keep climbing, keep swinging at the ball, you’re going to be inducted into your own hall of fame as you reach your goals.    

I challenge you to step out in faith; write down what you’d like to accomplish by the end of 2013.  As Romans 4:17 says, “Call those things that are not as though they were.”  Identify the steps needed, and start measuring progress; the times you connect with the ball.  Remember, you might be like Ted or Ty and strike out more often than you hit home runs, but as you “walk and not faint” you can join Jane in a success statement:  Hers read: “things have been going well between my husband and I; he actually commented on how sweet I’ve been!”  Just as importantly, she reports feeling better about herself, growing confident in her ability to climb one step at a time, because 1>0; One is Always Greater Than Zero.

“You shall run and not be weary, you shall walk and not faint.”

To read more articles, please go to:

http://phdlifegroups.wordpress.com

or

www.tphd.org/counseling blog -

Barbra Russell, MA, LPC, Counseling Ministry

Potter’s House Church of Denver