THE POWER OF "INSTEAD"

A common dilemma often seen in my counseling office is one of people truly wanting to change but feeling stuck in their efforts. Perhaps it's negative patterns which keep cropping up in relationships; possibly it's a New Year's Resolution to stop eating all that bad stuff and start exercising! Whatever the transformation desired, you may rest assured it all starts in our heads. Getting connected to new people, working on a new body or changing an old habit is more a matter of what we tell ourselves.

You might be surprised that desire, motivation, and determination seem inadequate and new knowledge is not enough. How long have I known I need to eat differently? How many arguments and "train wrecks" do we go through, knowing we need to break off a relationship? A bad habit could lead to early death, but it still seems to possess our lifestyle. People often recognize a need to have a healthier and better self-esteem, yet seem trapped in a never-ending cycle of put-downs and hurt.

We must first take charge of our thoughts in order to change ourselves. And, not surprisingly, God is here to help. Look at the following list and identify what self-limiting statements you make that can be changed with God's Power of Instead.

If we say: "It's impossible," God says instead: "All things are possible."
If we say: "I'm too tired," God says instead: "I will give you rest."
If we say: "Nobody really loves me, God says instead: "I love you."
If we say: "I can't go on," God says instead: "My grace is sufficent."
If we say: "I can't figure things out," God says instead: "I will direct your steps."
If we say: "I can't do it," God says instead: "You can do all things."
If we say: "I'm not able," God says instead: "I am able."
If we say: "It's not worth it," God says instead: "It will be worth it."
If we say: "I can't forgive myself," God says instead: "I forgive you."
If we say: "I can't manage," God says instead: "I will supply all your needs."
If we say: "I'm afraid," God says instead, "I have not given you a spirit of fear."
If we say: "I'm always worried & frustrated," God says instead: "Cast all your cares on me."
If we say: "I don't have enough faith," God says instead, "I've given everyone a measure of faith."
If we say: "I'm not smart enough," God says instead, "I give you wisdom."
If we say: "I feel all alone," God says instead: "I will never leave you or forsake you."

As you begin to "re-think" your life, memorizing God's answers instead of incorrect assumptions, you'll start to enjoy the freedom which comes from seeing new directions in your life.

Join me next time when I'll talk about using the bridge of instead in taking action.

(Note - contact me if you'd like the scripture references) Barbra

Why Do We Give?

One morning several years ago I woke up with a crick in my neck. That seemingly insignificant ache, however, became an excruciatingly painful year-long time of agony. The cervical disc that had degenerated in my neck caused blinding headaches, pain that felt like blazing hot irons cascading down my back, and eventually I was unable to work or participate in any of my usual activities.

As time went on and it became increasingly obvious that lying in traction prevented anything but bed-rest, a small army of friends came to the rescue. They set up a schedule to provide meals for our family and even came in to clean the house and do the laundry. Was I grateful? Yes. Was I embarrassed? Yes, mortified. I discovered it truly was better and easier to “give than to receive.”

God took that opportunity to teach me a lesson: Graciously receive and allow people to be blessed because they gave. Since then, I’ve had many opportunities to see that principle put into action, with the same wonderful results.

In this holiday season, we are reminded, probably more than on any other occasion, to give. And as we do so, we are the ones who receive. As one HCC volunteer exclaimed, “giving makes me feel alive!” Always, when we give of our time, our money, our talents, we are the better for it.

This is also an appropriate time to ask: Are you giving to yourself? Do you take care to provide balance in the areas of spiritual, physical, relationships and work? Airline attendants announce, “If this airplane unexpectedly loses altitude for any reason, an oxygen mask will drop down. If you’re traveling with a small child, be sure to put your oxygen mask on first before taking care of your child.” That might sound counter-productive to a parent, but you’re no good to that child if you’re passed out on the floor because of lack of oxygen.

The same holds true if you’re avoiding, denying or setting aside your need for healing of past hurts, dealing with a troubled relationship or delaying learning needed new skills. When you give to yourself to become a healthier you, you are better equipped to give to others and experience passion, fulfillment and blessings.

Why do we give? I can tell you by first-hand experience – it’s because when we follow God’s principles to give, we see Him work miracles in our lives as well as those whom you touch with a gift.

Barbra Russell
Director, Counseling Ministries

It's All About Me

IT'S ALL ABOUT ME

I smiled as I saw the fluorescent pink sticker prominently displayed on the teenager’s backpack. Oh yes, those years of believing the world revolves around you and all other voyagers here best pay heed!

Teenagers – go figure. In some ways they remind us of the terrible two toddlers – it’s all about them too! But…..one day they grow up. They learn social skills, they learn to care for others, and so we smile indulgently at teenagers when they declare their mixed message of independence intertwined with drama which insists “It’s All About Me.”

Of course, the reality is: it’s still “all about me.” In relationships, we bemoan the other’s lack of attention, his or her inability to “truly understand me,” or the fact that “they just drive me crazy!”

At our jobs, we seem to take an attitude that finding a job was the end-point – then the boss needs to pay us, tell us what to do and what needs to be corrected. But still we complain – do you know many people who say, “I love my job – how can I add more value to what I do?”

Lest I focus on those negative tendencies of human nature, let me point out the saving grace – yes, it’s all about me. We just need to think about it a bit differently. In relationships, we women can stop being “frog farmers.” What does that phrase mean? Women have the power to change a frog into a prince and by the same token, they can change a prince into a frog – that’s a frog farmer. You can imagine what that means, can’t you? Expecting that man to change so it can be all about me.

What do you do, men? When you go into your “cave” and don’t come out except for dinner, and stop doing all the loving actions that made your woman fall in love with you – you’re creating a problem instead of a princess. “If she’d just…. means you’re thinking, it’s all about me.”

At work – you have to find ways to ensure the wage paid to you is a bargain. You have to find out what needs doing and do it. You must grow and seek new ways to enhance your usefulness.

Does all this sound difficult? In actuality, changing the meaning of “it’s all about me” is the key. “Reframe” as we counselors say, to: “I’m the one who can change. I’m the one who is responsible. I’m the one who chooses.” Realize that giving and serving others is the path to your own happiness, prosperity and living a fulfilling life.

Changing your thinking is the first step – What? You exclaim! People will walk over me – I have to take care of me because no one else will. I’m not talking about allowing abuse, but respecting others first is a Biblical admonition that isn’t just about keeping us in line. God knows that’s how we flourish – by being so confident in ourselves, there’s an overflow where we can calmly allow others to be themselves.

Science in the form of functional MRI’s and SPEC brain scans show us the difference in the brain of someone who’s angry, frustrated or pessimistic and another who is calm and at peace because they’ve been thankful, helpful and taking responsibility – it’s all about me –I choose to be grateful; I choose to be intentional; I choose to step out in faith, and I choose to think differently.

When you extend that change from thinking differently to acting differently, the brain and body quickly rev up! Look at the successful people you know or hear or read about – they are “forward” thinkers, refusing to live in the past no matter their age. They are the grateful givers. They are the ones who truly believe it’s all about me.

I challenge you to take one small step this week to take charge of only you – evaluate yourself on a scale of 1-10 in areas of work, wealth, well-being and relationships. You know, if you rate yourself a 5, you’re half-way there! Then ask: What would be different if this area was a 6? Maybe you’d walk up the stairs 3 times instead of taking the elevator. Maybe you’d choose one day to solely focus on another person’s good points. Maybe you’d take 1 hour to work out a budget instead of plopping down in front of the TV. As you do those small steps, congratulate yourself – It is all about me – and I’m doing it, one step at a time!

When has this worked for you? I'd love to hear from you - by commenting on this blog or sending me an e-mail at bjruss39@comcast.net Barbra Russell

When A Man Calls

“Uh oh,” I mused. “A man calling for marriage counseling – doesn’t sound good.”

My years of experience have taught me that by the time a man calls about his marriage, things have gotten to a desperate point. His wife, after repeated efforts to repair the relationship, has given up. She’s already gone or is thinking about going. She’s done.

He, however, often feels things will work themselves out, or “she’s just in a mood” and besides, “real men don’t ask for help, right?” Many men adhere to the old adage, “I told you I loved you when I married you; if it changes, I’ll let you know.” That hasn't changed on his part, so he assumes it's the same on her side; he does nothing and quickly forgets any concerns his wife brings up. (As you’ll read later, his brain actually helps him out in this process.) Time goes by, and she stops asking.

He thinks, “Oh good! We’re fine now.” No, that just means she’s begun the process of giving up. If he’s lucky, and wants to save his marriage, he’ll take some action before the giving up morphs into going away.

Such was the case with “John,” who called my office for help. For several months he came alone. When his wife finally agreed to join him, she stated she’d felt alone for years, that there was “no connection” between the two of them. They were contemplating separation or divorce.

Both agreed lack of communication was a gigantic problem, and we began to discuss the differences between men and women’s communication styles and entirely unique ways of thinking and perceiving information.

In my workshop, “His Brain, Her Brain,” people find one of the fascinating differences in men and women is blood flow patterns. Men use one side of their brain at a time, thereby ensuring great focus and concentration on one project, one fact, one thing at a time. In order to change directions, the blood flow has to move to the other side of the brain. For example, a man thinks on one side, moves to the other side to talk, then back again to listen. He gets exhausted!

Women have 40% more connective tissue, however, and therefore are the queens of multi-tasking, enabling them to cook the dinner, watch the kids, listen to the news and talk to their mates! They keep talking about problems in order to work them out in their own minds, and the super-highway emotional bridges between both sides of her brain ensures many more words and an ever-present wide range of feelings. She’s just getting started!

Guess where problems arise? When women expect men to talk to them, remember everything and work on their projects at the same time. I remember watching in amazement when my husband drove right past our exit while we were having a conversation. We’d lived in that town for years! How could he not see it just because we’re talking?

Women expect the men in their lives to talk about problems so they’ll be fixed. That's the way the female sex handles them. Will men discuss those things? Nope, the guys just get more stressed talking about "issues."

Likewise, when men expect women to “get over it,” to forget it if it’s not important in the moment, and not be so darn emotional, that’s a set-up for disaster. Basically, each gender is asking, like Rex Harrison in My Fair Lady, “Why can’t a woman be more like a man?” She pleads, “Why can’t he be more like me?”

And since each expects the other to completely understand their own perceptions and frame of reference; misunderstandings, hurt, rejection and feelings of abandonment are commonly what show up in the counseling office.

I remember feeling so hurt when I wanted to talk to my husband about many problems at work. (Actually, I just wanted him to listen and say, “oh you poor baby”). When he told me to “just quit,” he felt he’d done his job as provider and protector – after all, no job is worth such stress! To be met with, not appreciation and gratefulness, but with resentment and anger was certainly not what he expected.

By the same token, for years when I stopped being appreciative and instead pointed out primarily what he was doing wrong, I was dismayed when my husband began to stop sharing his deepest thoughts with me. Doesn’t he want to make things better? Can’t we have the close, intimate relationship we once had?

Although there was much work to be done in John’s marriage – he mainly had to start paying attention – to her and she had to stop – complaining about him - having an understanding of what made the other tick was a beginning. I encourage you to find out more about that other person’s brain –(there are many excellent resources from which to draw,) and begin to appreciate the differences, be grateful for the good (remember the 90:10 rule?) and see what changes you can make in yourself. (i.e., – say nothing negative for 1 day, focus on your own goals and be happy without your spouse needing to be different)

That way, you may never have to hear a counselor say, “uh oh, doesn’t sound good.”

Honor Your Dream

You're here today, and you have a Dream. Not the small "d" of "dreams" where you hope, wish and fantasize about future events, but the Big "D" - the Dream you were put on earth to bring about. Maybe you haven't put it into words; maybe you just have a stirring inside of you, knowing that God wants you to do something more than you've been doing. And when you take a step of faith to find out what might be possible if you got more training, if you moved further in the direction of personal health and healing, or you begin to make one small disciplined change; that's when you truly begin to honor that Dream.

I didn't necessarily have a dream to become the Director of Counseling Ministries at Heritage in Denver, but 15 years ago I drove 200 miles from Pueblo to Denver twice a month because I just knew something was pulling me toward helping others. I hadn't even decided to be a counselor and, in fact, I felt unworthy of borrowing $20,000 to go to school even after completing 18 months of lay counseling classes.

My husband, however, kicked me in the seat of the pants and said, "come on, now -- why did you go through Stephen's Ministry training, then more lay counseling if you don't plan to use all that information?"

To make a long story short, I did go to Denver Seminary, did my internship at Heritage, then began a private practice in Pueblo. And now, I'm back at Heritage, encouraging others to follow their dreams.

I read a quote the other day: "every person has been created with a big dream, and most people, for one reason or another, just aren't pursuing it." So I ask you, if money or circumstances weren't an issue, what would you want to do?

One of my assignments in school was to answer that question, then interview someone who was doing what I wanted to do. I had a couple of ideas; one was to be an international photographer for National Geographic, and the other was being a counselor. Since I didn't know any NG photographers, I interviewed a counselor. I still didn't have a clear-cut plan to actually become one; my idea of dreams was that they stayed at home on your pillow.

However, I've been privileged to know some dreamers in my life. And you know, when they're honoring that dream, they'll make comments like, "I was born to do this." But, even when they've found their purpose and dream, they go through many years of preparation -- schooling, classes, taking steps of faith and following the promptings of ideas that seem to be born out of nowhere.

It's important to remember that it's not what you get that makes you valuable, but what you become. As you develop yourself, become more valuable at your job, in your relationships and your corner of the world, you make yourself available for God to use you in bigger and bigger ways.

A big dreamer in the Bible was Jabez who prayed, "Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory!" And God, as recorded in 1 Chronicles 4:10, granted his request. He'll grant yours too as you Honor your Dream.

LIVE LIFE ON PURPOSE

Two years ago this month I began to live my life on purpose.
And like the reformed smoker who triumphantly climbs to the top of a hill without gasping for breath, I spread my arms wide and exclaim: "This is fantastic!"
Don't get me wrong -- it's not as though my life has been miserable; it hasn't. It's just that any growth (which always means change) was "other-directed." From the high school counselor who advised that instead of going to college, I should start working as a secretary, to God, who orchestrated my leaving a long-held administrative position, to my husband who pushed me toward getting my graduate degree in counseling, I've drifted along with what others thought was best for me. And, for the most part, they must have known me pretty well! (especially God and Jerry - thanks!) Good things have happened.

Aaah....but what a difference a purpose makes. Two years ago, I prayed, "God, use me. Take who you've made me to be, and what I want to do, and use it for a purpose greater than myself." And I began to live on purpose, a team player with God.

And now (hear the theme song to "The Jeffersons") I'm moving on up - to 5280 feet, to be the Director of Counseling Ministries at a megachurch in Denver, where thousands attend services each week. Like Jabez (1 Chronicles 4:9) who wanted to be more and do more for God, I believe God granted my request. God did His part; what was my role in this team effort?
I implemented the steps of the GIFT teaching I've shared with so many clients and audiences. And this began to form a gradual change in the person I was -- the key.
It's an important key, because too often we want circumstances, people and events to change so we can be happy, so we can be purposeful, so we can succeed. "When things change at work, I will....." "When my spouse quits making our lives miserable, I'll be able to........." "When I win the lottery, life will be different!" No, it really begins inside. That's the key that helped me CHANGE MY LIFE WITH A GIFT.

In my "G" gratitude journal, I became so much more aware of appreciating my world and I also began to purposefully give more value. As I gave a little larger tip, took time to send a special note, and quit expecting others to change to make me happy, sure enough I then received more to be grateful for!

I began to focus on the "I" - my intention - what I wanted, vs. what I didn't want, didn't like or those things or people who irritated me. One of my big "I's" was to be a powerful public speaker, with my job description as one who "encourages, motivates, challenges and inspires." Another intention was to walk normally and treat my body well by eating healthily and exercising. I actually made quite a list of what I wanted -- that was pretty fun to look beyond how things were at the moment to what could be.

What was a little more scary, however, was the "F" - beginning to walk by faith. You wouldn't think so; after all, I'm a Preacher's Kid -- I can quote all the scriptures that encourage living by faith; I even know many songs with the same theme. However, I think the real definition of faith is kind of like courage; you're afraid but you do it anyway.

I decided to get ready, fire and aim vs the normal ready, aim, fire! and scheduled my first workshop. I was still relying on encouragement and support from others, but this felt different -- this was movement in the right direction - on purpose.

Another "F" was the great feeling of excitement and passion that came from doing something I had intentionally asked for, expected and began to make happen.

"T" - Train the Brain was both a deliberate action on my part and a state of being that began to happen more and more naturally. I deliberately immersed myself in different reading material, quite often it seemed I "zipped my lip," and I began making choices about what I watched on TV, who I spent quality time with, and what I chose to think about.

I'd hum instead of hurry in traffic; when I was impatient for the fulfilment of my speaking dream, I'd visualize thousands of people to whom I'd be speaking or I'd plan another workshop; I'd see my slim, healthy, flexible body in my mind's eye as I stretched my scarred leg and participated in tai-chi classes.

The bottom line? These principles work! Because they're God's principles about how to live our lives, use our God-given talents and strengths to make our own and others' lives more meaningful, joyous and abundant.

As I leave Pueblo, I experience bittersweet emotions; excitement about my new opportunity and of course sadness to leave friends who've been like family, clients whom I've learned from as we work together and green chili that's the best I've ever tasted!

My wish? That my climb will be inspirational to others, that there will be more "smokers" who decide to quit, and that all of us live our lives on purpose.

WHAT SHOULD YOU DO ABOUT THE FLU?

With the recent news about swine flu in Mexico, more people are suffering from anxiety. They don't have the flu, and there aren't any flu cases recorded locally. The long-term effects of their anxiety, however, are just as destructive.

As a Licensed Professional Counselor, I'd like to offer some specific steps individuals can take to deal with this and other worrisome clouds on the horizon. What about the economy? What about war? What about the bird flu? And now swine flu? People wonder - "What's going to happen to me?"

• First of all, realize that local and national health agencies have been planning for such a potential outbreak for more than two years. They are focused on the health of the community and the nation.
• Secondly, families and individuals should ask themselves: What do I need to do? Perhaps it's short-term plans such as purchase an additional week's supply of food and water, or follow other health-care guidelines. Even more effective, of course, is to embark on a long-term health improvement plan. This is the time to start exercising, eating healthily and building your immune system. Thirdly, instead of focusing on your fears of what might happen or what you don't want, begin to focus on what you want. The statement, "I want my family to be safe and healthy" is far more helpful, as it lends itself to the follow-up question, "So, what do I need to do?"

Mental health professionals know that what we focus on gets bigger. If we focus on problems, worries and unknown future events, they loom larger and larger in our minds and quickly begin to consume our thoughts, creating more feelings of doom. When that happens, our brain generates extra adrenaline and cortisol to deal with the sense of urgency detected. That primal part of our brain doesn't know if lions and tigers are coming at us or if we're just worried about something.

ADRENALINE & CORTISOL - GOOD GUYS OR BAD?


These chemicals help us out in life-and-death sitautions, providing extra energy to the brain and muscles. That's a great survival mechanism. However, our bodies are not designed to accomodate the continual release of these stress hormones. Worry, anxiety and outside stress over time results in disruption to our digestive and immune systems, resulting in lower energy and susceptibility to illness. They also contribute to vague physical ailments, irritability and many other symptoms of depression and anxiety.

The greatest tool you have in your arsenal is to be grateful for what you already have -- the good health you enjoy and the blessings that are yours in spite of increasing global concerns.

There are many proven benefits to focusing on gratitude. Recent research proves that spending 15 minutes a day being thankful raises your antibodies, makes you less vulnerable to clinical depression, improves your blood pressure and stabilizes your heart rate. In my own experience, I've found people who are grateful are genuinely healthier, happier and less stressed.
So, what can you do about the flu? Prepare, but don't panic. Be grateful instead of fearful. Take 15 minutes right now to take some form of action as opposed to talking, worrying, focusing and obessessing on what dreadful thing mght happen.

Helpful Values or Limiting Tribal Beliefs?

My great-great grandmother was a Cherokee Indian princess, I'm told. And Choctaw Indians are part of the heritage on my father's side. Therefore, when I hear the term "tribal belief" my mind quickly raises an image of tee-pees scattered around a valley, smoke wafting out the opening at the top. Inside older Indians are telling oft-told stories to wide-eyed youngsters and imparting important "tribal beliefs." One author described tribal beliefs as our ancestors teaching us the way of the tribe - what they valued and what they believed to be true. A limiting tribal belief, however, is one which holds us back from living our best lives.

A well-educated professor came to see me once after having suffered from severe depression for at least two years. Medication wasn't helping, and as we discussed the various issues which could be contributing to this depression, he stated, "I can't be happy if my wife doesn't acknowledge my efforts." When I challenged his depending on someone else for his happiness, he immediately countered, "I can prove this is true!"

I wondered, "how could someone so obviously intelligent and educated hold on to something so debilitating to him?" The answer - a long-held tribal belief. There are many such limiting beliefs that do not serve us well but which, nonethless, are stubbornly adhered to. Let me give you some examples:

• "Don't talk about family issues - don't tell, don't ask for help."
• "Worrying shows people you love them."
• The older you get, the more limitations you have.
• Love = Performance. The better you do, the better chance you have that someone/God will love you.
• Always fit in. Don't make waves.
• Good Christians just accept their lot in life.

Where do limiting tribal beliefs come from, anyway? Any authority figure/group, whether it be our family, religious organization or peer group, can exert pressure to conform in a variety of ways. Centuries ago, people joined together in "tribes" for protection. (Picture animals huddled together in a circle, fending off predators. If one member went off in a different direction, the rest were more vulnerable. To survive, offending members were attacked or excluded. The message, then, became very clear: Be different and die!) Humans do the same thing; the message: "Be different and be rejected" - for many of us, that's the same feeling as death. We fit in to survive.

From that survival stance came habits and "truths" which became lifestyles. Just as my Indian ancestors experienced, however, holding onto ways of life which no longer served them was destructive to them as a people. The same holds true when we hold onto those limiting beliefs which no longer serve us. Often, these beliefs are unconscious, so how do you know if you've been a victim of limiting tribal beliefs? (LTB)?

Some examples:
Career: You hate your job, but your family expects you to be a .......... because "there's no money in being a ........."

Relationships: - You get resentful because you "have to" be nice, avoid conflict, be what others want you to be, do and have.

Life in general: Nothing really excites you any more, projects bore you and your life is just steady and uneventful.

To move beyond a life with LTB's, you need to recognize them first, then begin to question the beliefs and if they are in truth no longer accurate or no longer good for you, you can begin to gradually shift your thoughts. Begin by saying, for example, "is it possible to believe that accepting a compliment is actually respectful to the other person instead of believing that's being prideful-- which is a deadly sin?" (one of my early run-in's with LTB).

I've discovered I inherited many LTB's and picked up others along the way. However, instead of the hopeless journey I imagined (an LTB that said - don't question what you've been taught; it's wrong to believe anything else), it's actually been quite an enjoyable experience to find out who I really am, what I really like, what I want to do and become.

Of course, I must say that initially, I approached the questioning segment with much trepidation -- would I be zapped with lightning from above? As I began to read, hear and learn about other ways of living and discover that, as I gradually began to change those LTB's, not only was I not zapped, I felt a lot better! Instead of becoming a "total heathen," I got closer to God as I began to experience his love and total acceptance.

Yes, it's good to let go of LTB's - I recommend it for everyone

WHEN THE LIONS ROAR

"Mary" sat in my office, sobbing uncontrollably. "It's all my fault, I can't stand it, I don't know what to do" were her pain-filled words repeated again and again. Her teenaged daughter had been raped by "Mary's" current boyfriend, and now Mary, the self-reported black sheep of her family, the one known for drinking and partying, was faced with emotions she'd never allowed herself to feel.

After hearing some of her history, I told Mary the following story: "A young man was thrown into a cage of lions where he was quickly cornered by the huge beasts who were roaring and pawing the air as though playing with him before he was torn to shreds. He cowered in the corner of the cage, feeling totally powerless and hopeless, finally winding up in a fetal position on the cold, damp floor, waiting for death.


Suddenly, the roaring ceased. The young man sensed the lions were gone. "What was happening?" he wondered and looked around. To his abject horror, he again heard roaring and saw his beautiful fiance lying sprawled on the opposite end of this prison cell where she too had been thrown, and she was surrounded by the threatening lions.

Without giving thought to his own safety, the young man jumped to his feet, adrenaline surging through his body. He ran head-long toward the lions, screaming, yelling, frantic to do anything to save his bride-to-be! His sudden, threatening appearance seemingly confused the lions, and they backed away.

The lion tamer, who all along had been standing nearby stated, "I see you've found something worth fighting for."

"Mary," I continued, "I believe you've found something worth fighting for."

For the first time in her 40+ years, Mary confessed she too had been sexually abused at the age of 5 or 6. All the anger, hurt, confusion, pain, betrayal and shame she had pushed down deep into her soul and covered with alcohol, promiscuity and hanging out at the bars came rushing up in a volcano of suppressed emotions as she saw her daughter thrown to the lions.

For the first time, she didn't seek refuge in a bottle or at a bar. For the first time, she began saying aloud what her inner self had been hiding for many years. For the first time, she was facing a lot of fear, but she was looking her tormentor straight in the eyes and not backing down! For the first time, Mary has the chance to heal, to hope, to recover.

Have you found something worth fighting for? Perhaps your story is not so dramatic -- maybe it's more like the young father-to-be who willingly stopped using drugs and now proudly states: "It's time I grow up and take care of my family.!" Or maybe it's when the scales tip into the "now you're really overweight" zone, and you determine: "It's time to call Weight Watchers!" Maybe you have a dream, but you've been frozen by insecurity which is echoed in the saying, "People hold onto known misery rather than reach out for unknown happiness."

It's actually quite amazing what you can do when you come up out of the corner with a fighting spirit. You may need to ask for help. You may need to learn new skills. You may have to take some risks. However, when the desire comes from deep within, you find opportunities instead of obligations, freedom instead of fear and purpose that makes you feel alive!

When the lions roar loudly in your life, look around you, look deep inside you -- and find something worth fighting for!

IT'S NEVER TOO LATE!

As a counselor I hear many heart-rending stories from anxious, depressed or stressed-out people. Stories of emotional, physical or sexual abuse; stories from kids stuck in the middle of an ugly custody battle; stories of relationships gone sour. But recently a story that tugged at my heart sounded like this: "My young son is going to prison for a long time after a "three-strikes-and you're out" drug-related sentence. Hear what he has to say:

"By the time I was 15, I started getting in trouble with the law, suspended from schools and leaving home. I began selling and using drugs, carrying guns and womanizing. By the time I was 20, I had 4 felonies, 16 months of incarceration, a wife, 2 kids and 16 years of time over my head. ....I died twice from an overdose and should have been dead more. Trust me when I tell you those were evil, evil days."

His parents paid for bail, rehab facilities and each time he'd vow to kick his addictions. But while he swore that each crash was the last one, each was always followed by an even harder fall, leaving a strained relationship between him and his family who despaired of ever enjoying a normal relationship with this wayward son. Now at the age of 30, he'was looking at a long prison sentence, and his parents were struggling to find hope.

However, as often happens, when we're at our lowest, God steps in with his strength, solutions and salvation. And that's just what happened with this young man:

"In jail again, after only a year, hopelessness and bitterness was drowning me. Finally in July as I bottomed out, I cried out to God. At first it went something like this, "God, you know I don't believe in you. You know I think this is a crock. But if you're really out there, and your Son really died for me, reveal yourself to me, please." Three weeks later, I prayed the sinner's prayer.

"Even in the few months since, He's changed me completely. Through prayer and reading his word my whole life has changed. He's shown me what real love is, and that what I thought it was was not even close. As I've grown closer to Him, the seeds that my parents so faithfully planted as a child began to bear fruit.

"In September I prayed, 'help me bear fruit for you.' Later that same evening a guy came to my cell door and said, 'Hey man, I see you every day, reading the Bible and I've been wanting to talk to you " That night he accepted Christ, and it's been on ever since."

Now his parents thankfully and proudly relate instances of their son conducting Bible studies, of leading other inmates to Christ, and seeing miracles happen in that stark place.

"Every day hasn't been easy, some days were extremely hard. And I still have to go to prison for many years, but the future is bright and peaceful. And only through the precious, forgiving, amazing grace and power of God could an old worthless gang-bangin' junkie like me bring light into this especially dark world."

So, if you get discouraged about a distressingly long seige of an "impossible" situation - whether it's your own or a loved one's - and hear messages that say: "this will never hapen...," just remember, it's never too late! Just ask the "worthless gang-bangin' junkie" who has now discovered a whole new way of life.