He was only 3 or 4 and watched all the hustle, bustle and strange activities around him with wide-eyed puzzlement. Then, rather plaintively he asked, "What about me?"
Like an imploded building, all planning collapsed and his parents were stopped in mid-sentence. The conversation had been revolving around an upcoming move to another state. "Of course, you're going with us," his parents assured him. There was no question that the entire family would soon be on the road together. However, in his young concrete view of the world, he had heard nothing which stated mom, dad, and son were involved in this new direction, so he came to an untrue conclusion -- he wasn't included.
Unfortunately, his hopefully short-lived fear is not uncommon, even in the adult world, perhaps even especially in the adult world. It's no wonder, really. Many unintended messages get passed on to others, and it can start at a very young age, as this story demonstrates.
Just think how many times kids hear, "Don't you know anything? That's not how you do it." The message the kid internalizes? I'm stupid. Even well-meaning people who state -- to either kids or adults -- "don't worry, I'll take care of it," when it's the other person's job, send the subtle but damaging idea you can't - I can.
Then, if you add intentional abuse of any kind, it's a wonder people have any self-esteem at all! And we know from God's word that considering anything other than we are wonderful, well-loved and worth loving is an untrue belief!
How many of you have experienced conversation coming to a halt upon your approach and you walk away thinking, "they must have been talking about me." And of course, the talk couldn't be good now, could it?
When hurtful words are hurled out in moments of anger, it's too easy to arrive at conclusions such as "they don't care; I'm no good; I'm worthless." This causes almost a PTSD type of reaction -- days, months or years later, a word, an expression, or a similar setting pulls the trigger on that old wound. Even if the speaker has good intentions, the scab gets ripped off that sensitive area, and fresh bleeding starts a downward cycle of emotions.
Likewise, just being exposed to calamities and disasters can create undue anxiety and depression, resulting in feelings of helplessness -- of somehow feeling the burden of the untrue belief "I should do something" -- which leads to exhausted hopelessness.
Recent research shows that 100% of stress-related illnesses stem from an untrue belief. That's a pretty staggering statistic and yet, in my counseling practice I see the results of concusions drawn from wounded hearts ascribing malicious or at least uncaring intent from statements made, often by those closest to them.
What are we to do? I remember the day years ago when it happened -- I came close to two nurses busily talking in the hallway at the medical facility where I worked. And sure enough, they stopped talking as I approached. In my fevered imagination, they looked guiltily at me and boy! That's all it took! I started slipping into a depressed state that finally became ridiculous, even to me. That's when I had my "come to Jesus" meeting with me, myself and I. I decided from then on, unless someone came up to me directly and said, "I've got a problem with you," that I would always assume (1) they liked me and (2) everything was fine. I'm confident those nurses were deeply involved in their own personal and private business, which had nothing to do with me.
Now, even though that was a small, somewhat silly incident, it was a pivotal turning point in the development of different thinking for me. Taking control of our thoughts, putting limits on what we allow our mind to consider and take in as truth is crucial to our well-being.
It's also important to identify and acknowledge those false beliefs. Allowing ourselves to feel the pain of both the rejection and then the healing oil of Christ's words of love in redemptive correction is the first step in changing the meaning of messages. Having a "Come to Jesus" meeting works every time when you're dealing with Unintended Messages & Untrue Beliefs.
