Helpful Values or Limiting Tribal Beliefs?

My great-great grandmother was a Cherokee Indian princess, I'm told. And Choctaw Indians are part of the heritage on my father's side. Therefore, when I hear the term "tribal belief" my mind quickly raises an image of tee-pees scattered around a valley, smoke wafting out the opening at the top. Inside older Indians are telling oft-told stories to wide-eyed youngsters and imparting important "tribal beliefs." One author described tribal beliefs as our ancestors teaching us the way of the tribe - what they valued and what they believed to be true. A limiting tribal belief, however, is one which holds us back from living our best lives.

A well-educated professor came to see me once after having suffered from severe depression for at least two years. Medication wasn't helping, and as we discussed the various issues which could be contributing to this depression, he stated, "I can't be happy if my wife doesn't acknowledge my efforts." When I challenged his depending on someone else for his happiness, he immediately countered, "I can prove this is true!"

I wondered, "how could someone so obviously intelligent and educated hold on to something so debilitating to him?" The answer - a long-held tribal belief. There are many such limiting beliefs that do not serve us well but which, nonethless, are stubbornly adhered to. Let me give you some examples:

• "Don't talk about family issues - don't tell, don't ask for help."
• "Worrying shows people you love them."
• The older you get, the more limitations you have.
• Love = Performance. The better you do, the better chance you have that someone/God will love you.
• Always fit in. Don't make waves.
• Good Christians just accept their lot in life.

Where do limiting tribal beliefs come from, anyway? Any authority figure/group, whether it be our family, religious organization or peer group, can exert pressure to conform in a variety of ways. Centuries ago, people joined together in "tribes" for protection. (Picture animals huddled together in a circle, fending off predators. If one member went off in a different direction, the rest were more vulnerable. To survive, offending members were attacked or excluded. The message, then, became very clear: Be different and die!) Humans do the same thing; the message: "Be different and be rejected" - for many of us, that's the same feeling as death. We fit in to survive.

From that survival stance came habits and "truths" which became lifestyles. Just as my Indian ancestors experienced, however, holding onto ways of life which no longer served them was destructive to them as a people. The same holds true when we hold onto those limiting beliefs which no longer serve us. Often, these beliefs are unconscious, so how do you know if you've been a victim of limiting tribal beliefs? (LTB)?

Some examples:
Career: You hate your job, but your family expects you to be a .......... because "there's no money in being a ........."

Relationships: - You get resentful because you "have to" be nice, avoid conflict, be what others want you to be, do and have.

Life in general: Nothing really excites you any more, projects bore you and your life is just steady and uneventful.

To move beyond a life with LTB's, you need to recognize them first, then begin to question the beliefs and if they are in truth no longer accurate or no longer good for you, you can begin to gradually shift your thoughts. Begin by saying, for example, "is it possible to believe that accepting a compliment is actually respectful to the other person instead of believing that's being prideful-- which is a deadly sin?" (one of my early run-in's with LTB).

I've discovered I inherited many LTB's and picked up others along the way. However, instead of the hopeless journey I imagined (an LTB that said - don't question what you've been taught; it's wrong to believe anything else), it's actually been quite an enjoyable experience to find out who I really am, what I really like, what I want to do and become.

Of course, I must say that initially, I approached the questioning segment with much trepidation -- would I be zapped with lightning from above? As I began to read, hear and learn about other ways of living and discover that, as I gradually began to change those LTB's, not only was I not zapped, I felt a lot better! Instead of becoming a "total heathen," I got closer to God as I began to experience his love and total acceptance.

Yes, it's good to let go of LTB's - I recommend it for everyone