I Became A Different Me

I’m a die-hard Denver Broncos football fan! As I write this, the city is blanketed with blue and orange and hyped to win a Super Bowl! I’m right in there - Bronco T-shirt, coat and even Bronco earrings! I love attending games and yelling at the TV when I’m relegated to watching at home. I’m familiar with players, principles of the game and can even speak somewhat intelligently about plays, penalties and positions!

But it wasn’t always like this. In fact, I remember attending my first-ever football game as a young wife and mother and asking, “What’s a fumble?” I knew NOTHING about football!

However, about the time our young son began to walk, he began to pass Nerf footballs with his dad. They watched football on TV, played football in the yard and in short, football became front and center at our house. Even as a little guy, my son insisted on wearing a helmet that swallowed up his head, leaving him to stumble around looking like a bobble-head in an oversized football shirt.

It began to be very clear that the males in this household were going to quickly leave the only female in the football dust! I had to take drastic action – thus, the trip to the Houston Astrodome and my introduction to this different world.

My need and desire to be included led to a big adjustment that’s been good for me. Here’s the basic process I went through:

· First, I acted out of necessity. “I want to be included.”

· Next, my actions became habitual. “Let’s watch a game.”

· Third, it became a lifestyle. “Watching/playing football is part of my life.”

· Lastly, it became my identity – “I’m a Broncos fan.”

But sometimes such a need and desire to be included can mask a fear of rejection, a need for approval or wanting to please others. Deeply-instilled reactions might even come from a need for safety--- like the child who hides when a drunken parent comes home. That child has learned not to speak up or show up lest they get hurt. Such childhood responses can become an adult way of life and then they don’t serve us so well!

I have a sign in my office that reads: “Dad – A boy’s first hero, a girl’s first love.” Too many boys and girls experience either a physically or emotionally absent father and that hunger for dad -- the hero, the first love is exceedingly strong! My relationship with my father typified a daughter’s longing for love, approval and acceptance. When I didn’t hear, “I love you,” or “that’s a great job;” when there were no hugs or shows of affection, without realizing it, I began to inwardly starve. And, just as the physical body begins to shrink when deprived of nutrients, my emotional and spiritual soul started to wither. And I became a different “me.”

· First, out of necessity and that huge desire to be accepted, I began to “perform.” I thought, “maybe if I do really well in school, if I’m a “good girl” at home, at church and everywhere, he’ll tell me he loves me!”

· Secondly, performance became habitual. After all, there were some pay-offs for being really, really good!

· Thirdly, I began to adopt a lifestyle of wanting to please, being fearful of saying the wrong thing and losing my own identity in the quest to become someone else.

· Lastly, “The Performer” became who I was.

I couldn’t find the courage to speak up, especially to older males - go figure! I became resentful, afraid and had no real feeling of self-worth, although I still continued to put on a good act!

When I finally gained the courage to recognize what I’d become, my counselor helped me discover a broken child within. With tears flooding down my face, I found my voice. In the safety of that counseling office, long-buried emotions came pouring out and I offered forgiveness and acceptance.

And something wonderful happened! I became me – the REAL ME! It was like enjoying that football game for the first time. What joy! What excitement! Now, when I succeed in life, I celebrate. If I fail, at first I flip out and then I learn from it! But along the way, it’s good to be me!

What a relief to be honest, to say “yes” to what I want and “no” when I need without worrying about what people might say, or what they might think of me!

You, like me, may not have experienced all you needed from your dad, but you have a Heavenly Father who accepts and loves you, is proud of your accomplishments and knows you inside out. Jeremiah 31:3 states, “For I have loved you with an everlasting love.”

Are You A Different “Me?” Don’t be afraid to look at why you do what you do. Perhaps you, like me, will need someone to help you become the Real You. I encourage you to take advantage of counseling so you too can bask in the sunlight of fulfilled days, be who God has truly made you to be and live out His purpose in your life.