Dreams From The Heart

            Brrrrrrr……..Snow is blowing, and the wind is howling mournfully around the windows.  It’s winter time in Colorado!   As I walk up the stairs, a welcome wave of warm air reminds me to keep on climbing -- hot air rises.  When I get to the top, I’ll feel snug and cozy, and if there’s quite a few stairs, I can even say I got some exercise!!

But what happens when the cold comes from within?  When the journey seems too long, with too many stairs?   Or we’re frozen with indecision, lack of motivation, too tired to once again face internal winds of war? 

               As we greet another New Year, some people may remember countless New Year’s resolutions which never seem to last beyond the time it takes to make a list and check it twice!  How many times do folks swear to get in better shape, set up a budget and stick to it or have better relationships?  

               In December, 2013 if you were to complete this sentence:  “2013 was the best year ever because___________,”  I’m willing to bet some of you would pen dreams from your heart; record hopes for a different future, or once again make a bucket list! 

            Too often, however, we run into “All or Nothing” thinking, measuring success as black or white, 100% or 0.  If we don’t accomplish goals pretty quickly, giving up and going back down appears easier than the effort required to keep on climbing. 

            My client “Jane” truly desired a better relationship with her husband and resolved to curb her critical tongue.  The following month, however, she reported her husband didn’t seem to notice any of her efforts and she was struggling to remain motivated.   “Why try?” she wondered aloud, a textbook example of “All or Nothing” thinking. 

Another client proudly proclaimed:  “no more sweets for me!”  After he ate an entire candy bar in a weak moment, his resolution turned to resignation, and he dejectedly declared, “that’s just who I am… I’ll never be able to do it!”  Sounds like “All or Nothing Thinking” to me!

But, I’m reminded of a baseball analogy I like: 

            .  Famous ball players are known by their batting averages, the number of hits they have divided by the times they’re “at bat.”  I’m certainly not a baseball connoisseur, but even I recognize such names as Ted Williams and Ty Cobb, whose batting averages were .366 and .344 respectively.  Translating those sterling performances into percentages, you read 37% and 34%, certainly a long way from 100%!  That really means that not even half, not even 50% of the time they hit the ball!    And these men are revered baseball greats, giants in the Baseball Hall of Fame!

            But of course you know what those guys did; they kept on swinging, even when they missed more than they hit!  And we think they’re fantastic! 

            What if we kept swinging, even in the light of apparent failure?  What if we kept climbing, determined to be different?  That’s what Jane decided to do – keep swinging – in this case, watching what comes out of her mouth.

To help her “batting average,” we talked about her beginning to see things differently by using a mathematical formula:   1>0, One is Greater Than Zero.  She was to note efforts she made because any progress is better than doing nothing at all!  If she refrained from judgmental comments for one month, she could do it again!  Focusing on progress rather than failures can only lead to more success! 

The “sugar-addict” was encouraged to implement the same formula.  I reminded him that when you abstain from sugar for any length of time, you begin to change your taste buds!  You’re further down the road than when you started, even if sometimes you feel you’ve gone 2 steps forward and 1 back.  Or, even if you feel (as is pretty common) you’ve gone 1 step forward and 2 steps back – if you keep climbing, keep swinging at the ball, you’re going to be inducted into your own hall of fame as you reach your goals.    

I challenge you to step out in faith; write down what you’d like to accomplish by the end of 2013.  As Romans 4:17 says, “Call those things that are not as though they were.”  Identify the steps needed, and start measuring progress; the times you connect with the ball.  Remember, you might be like Ted or Ty and strike out more often than you hit home runs, but as you “walk and not faint” you can join Jane in a success statement:  Hers read: “things have been going well between my husband and I; he actually commented on how sweet I’ve been!”  Just as importantly, she reports feeling better about herself, growing confident in her ability to climb one step at a time, because 1>0; One is Always Greater Than Zero.

“You shall run and not be weary, you shall walk and not faint.”

To read more articles, please go to:

http://phdlifegroups.wordpress.com

or

www.tphd.org/counseling blog -

Barbra Russell, MA, LPC, Counseling Ministry

Potter’s House Church of Denver