"We'll be lucky if all she loses is her leg," reported the doctor tearfully. "She's so young; I wish it were me," he continued and requested permission to amputate my leg below the knee, as he believed this was a malignancy.
Thus began a 15-year saga which included eight surgeries to remove a rare tumor on my right leg that kept appearing, first around my toes and ankle, then moving to several sites close to my knee. In addition to surgery, medical interventions included chemotherapy drugs, steroid injections and proposed radiation.
What's a Christian to do? I of course prayed, beseeching God for healing; however, it seemed, to quote an old phrase, the heavens were brass. No answer. No healing. An ever-increasing rapid cycle of undergoing surgery began to evolve into a familiar although unwanted schedule. Every 18 months I'd plan on checking into the hospital, be in a wheelchair for weeks and slowly recover just in time, it seemed, to have another surgery!
Finally, a Denver surgeon diagnosed a desmoid tumor and informed us that some patients had had limbs amputated for fear of cancer, only to have the tumor appear above the amputation site! Thank God for my husband who kept refusing to allow my leg to be amputated until other opinions were sought or medical necessity dictated that course of action. Dr. Wilkins went on to say that trauma triggers growth of these tumors, and surgery was certainly traumatic! He recommended no further surgery be done; however, it seemed no other course was open to me. The tumor wrapped itself around joints, nerves and muscles and threatened to cut off the blood supply.
Enter an answer to prayer in an unexpected fashion. One day, I just "happened" to be watching a true story on TV about a woman who, after being told she was terminally ill, sought alternative treatments. To make a long story short, I did the same and thankfully, the tumors stopped appearing although I was left with much residual scar tissue, "hardware" in my leg, missing tendons, severed nerves and a pronounced limp.
I read in Matthew 9 the story of two blind men who came to Jesus asking to be healed. "Do you believe I am able to do this?" "Yes, Lord," they replied. Then he touched their eyes and their sight was restored. Eugene Peterson, in The Message says, "Become what you believe." How could I become what I believed? I believe God orchestrated a means for my healing. If I believed that, I could also believe He would help me walk normally again.
My first step was to ask Him very specifically for what I wanted -- Philippians 4:6 states, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." I was certainly extremely grateful I still had my leg and was able to walk, even if I walked with a limp. So really my first step was prayerful thanksgiving followed by a specific request - I want to walk with equal strength and balance on both legs.
My next task was to become aware of my abnormal walking pattern. Through 15 years of painful aftermaths of surgery, I realized I'd been favoring that right leg, first from painful necessity, then just from a habit which developed into "Barbra's walk" - a lifestyle limp. When I deliberately put weight on that leg and foot, I was pleasantly surprised to discover it didn't hurt! From that realization came a renewed determination to become what I believe - I can walk normally.
It's been 10 years since my last surgery, and many people, unaware of my past expereinces, are very surprised to hear that walking without a limp was ever an issue in my life. I know this "faith walk" is literally and spiritually a process in which I continue to be grateful every day, affirm my intention to walk normally, practice placing my full weight on my leg and keep on becoming what I beleive - a walking, talking testimony of God's goodness and healing power.
Thus began a 15-year saga which included eight surgeries to remove a rare tumor on my right leg that kept appearing, first around my toes and ankle, then moving to several sites close to my knee. In addition to surgery, medical interventions included chemotherapy drugs, steroid injections and proposed radiation.
What's a Christian to do? I of course prayed, beseeching God for healing; however, it seemed, to quote an old phrase, the heavens were brass. No answer. No healing. An ever-increasing rapid cycle of undergoing surgery began to evolve into a familiar although unwanted schedule. Every 18 months I'd plan on checking into the hospital, be in a wheelchair for weeks and slowly recover just in time, it seemed, to have another surgery!
Finally, a Denver surgeon diagnosed a desmoid tumor and informed us that some patients had had limbs amputated for fear of cancer, only to have the tumor appear above the amputation site! Thank God for my husband who kept refusing to allow my leg to be amputated until other opinions were sought or medical necessity dictated that course of action. Dr. Wilkins went on to say that trauma triggers growth of these tumors, and surgery was certainly traumatic! He recommended no further surgery be done; however, it seemed no other course was open to me. The tumor wrapped itself around joints, nerves and muscles and threatened to cut off the blood supply.
Enter an answer to prayer in an unexpected fashion. One day, I just "happened" to be watching a true story on TV about a woman who, after being told she was terminally ill, sought alternative treatments. To make a long story short, I did the same and thankfully, the tumors stopped appearing although I was left with much residual scar tissue, "hardware" in my leg, missing tendons, severed nerves and a pronounced limp.
I read in Matthew 9 the story of two blind men who came to Jesus asking to be healed. "Do you believe I am able to do this?" "Yes, Lord," they replied. Then he touched their eyes and their sight was restored. Eugene Peterson, in The Message says, "Become what you believe." How could I become what I believed? I believe God orchestrated a means for my healing. If I believed that, I could also believe He would help me walk normally again.
My first step was to ask Him very specifically for what I wanted -- Philippians 4:6 states, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." I was certainly extremely grateful I still had my leg and was able to walk, even if I walked with a limp. So really my first step was prayerful thanksgiving followed by a specific request - I want to walk with equal strength and balance on both legs.
My next task was to become aware of my abnormal walking pattern. Through 15 years of painful aftermaths of surgery, I realized I'd been favoring that right leg, first from painful necessity, then just from a habit which developed into "Barbra's walk" - a lifestyle limp. When I deliberately put weight on that leg and foot, I was pleasantly surprised to discover it didn't hurt! From that realization came a renewed determination to become what I believe - I can walk normally.
It's been 10 years since my last surgery, and many people, unaware of my past expereinces, are very surprised to hear that walking without a limp was ever an issue in my life. I know this "faith walk" is literally and spiritually a process in which I continue to be grateful every day, affirm my intention to walk normally, practice placing my full weight on my leg and keep on becoming what I beleive - a walking, talking testimony of God's goodness and healing power.
1 comment:
Loved your blog, Barb. Thanks for some extra insights for free! Glad you and Jerry are enjoying this season of life and helping others at the same time! Blessings
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